Saturday, April 14, 2012
Do i still have a reason to ---- --- after it ends?
//y8:16 PMy//
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
trying hard but not paying off... tried studying for econs before hand, ask more questions, question more... but its confusing me more than ever. teachers dont seem too patient to explain. sigh...trying hard for chem too but still cant seem to achieve much out of anything... this is depressing...'can we get someone more presentable?' maybe im being too sensitive but this really hurt me. but it seems so small to bother anyone about it. but it bothers me so much...
qualities to survive in today's society:
smart
critical thinker
good.looking
sociable
able to speak at ease
i have none of these qualities... is there a cause for optimism? not much...
//y3:10 PMy//
//y3:08 PMy//
Thursday, October 20, 2011
做事没经过大脑就去做了。后来发现做错了，后悔了，但也来不及了。
明知道自己文也不行，武也不行，就应该把握机会争取更多更多。不比别人聪明就得加倍努力。但是我这个大笨蛋。。。不聪明就算了，也不努力，不会控制自己。做事鲁莽，也不三思而行，而实行了后思结果发现问题不断。而且还给他人添了麻烦。。。
自己失败就好，还要拖其他人下水。
有时心里真的很矛盾。不知道是自己想太多，还是根本就是自己的问题。是我的错吗？应该是。。。我又努力吗？我有。但足够吗？。。。我不知道。我不愿去想，但现实往往将真相往我脸上塞，不给我喘气的余地，但却给我足够的时间自己折磨着自己。。。无时无刻，无法停止，无法原谅，无法放开，也无法让人知道我是多么的疼。
人人都有自己的烦恼，我怎么能将自己的烦恼推向他们？但我有这些他们吗？我不知道。
或许我想太多了。
终究都是自己的错。
//y10:17 PMy//
Friday, October 14, 2011
sigh。。。。。。。。。。。。
//y5:29 PMy//
Thursday, August 4, 2011
i feel so horrible right now, but no one will know.
cos i will tell no one and no one checks this anymore anyway.
it is so hard to get rid of this stuffy feeling i have in my chest.
but no one will ask, because no one knows.
i seem carefree but i really am not.
but no one knows because no one sees.
the failure that i have felt will stick for a really long time.
but no one noticed because no one knows me.
i feel i don't belong anywhere.
but really, no one knows.
maybe others feel the same way.
i don't care because i don't know.
even if i do know, i wouldn't know what to do.
maybe it's because of this lack of action, which causes no one to know me.
i am selfish.
but isn't everyone?
i hate the way people think i am.
i hate the way some people act.
i hate the way the world perceives things. Success. Beauty.
i hate myself.
i hate so many things.
but i can't change anything.
i live in a mask.
i don know who i am.
i wish to break the mask.
but i do not dare to.
the questions i ask myself,
pisses me off.
i try to sooth myself,
but the logic in me roughens it.
i hate that feeling.
contradiction.
i think too much, i tell myself.
but what if i am right, i say again.
but what if i am wrong, i retort.
but the ealier sticks to me.
i see things with a different eye.
but act another way.
to fit in.
no one knows how i really feel.
maybe because i'm not letting anyone in.
maybe because no one cares to ask.
maybe because i'm afraid to find one, only to find out she/he is just asking out of courtesy.
so many maybes...
maybe i just don know what to think.
i really don know.
i wish to not care. i really do.
but reality doesn't allow.
it really doesn't.
it shoves that up my face everyday.
i hate this.
//y9:02 PMy//
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Our days are the days we have. The number is the number, and from birth to the final breath, we are counting down to the finite end of that number.
Whether we make our future, or our future makes us... Whether we swim with or against the river of our past, our days remain our own--
--To live in fullest flight of our passions in the service of those we can love. There can be no higher calling, no greater destiny, no more profound choice.
I live today.
I die tomorrow.
And in-between...
Joy
-The Brave and the Bold
//y7:29 PMy//
